How I Told Him [and Tom]

I had dreamed and dreamed and dreamed of how I would tell Matt we were pregnant.

I would beat him home from work, set up our camera in the yard on a tripod, and while wearing a shirt that said ‘super mom,’ shoot him with a smoke bomb and catch it all on camera. I wanted flowers and balloons and everything. I mean honestly. I literally bought the smoke bomb and shirt and had them hidden in my dresser. I’m laughing out loud. (#EXTRA).

It’s just that I was so excited and so hopeful for that time. But with every month that went by, getting to ever ‘share the big news,’ just seemed like a big if.

In August I saw my doctor for my first round of tests to make sure everything was going right with my body- it was time to see if I had infertility concerns.

The doctor decided to start with a panel of blood tests, which all came back normal. (I was glad the blood tests were fine, but also, now we had nothing to go on). My doctor planned I would see him again in six weeks to do more invasive testing.

Two weeks after that blood test we were leaving for vacation. First Seattle, then Hawaii. We had planned on budgeting our money since we almost bought a house this summer. But-we were sad (no house, no Adele, no baby, remember?) Vacation it is.

Even though my cycle was late, I hadn’t taken a pregnancy test. I WAS OVER IT. Over getting negative tests. Over telling my friends, “Maybe next month!” so they didn’t feel bad for me. Over analyzing every little change in my body wondering if it meant I were pregnant. Over it. But as we were loading up the car with our bags, I had a brief moment where I didn’t want to be without the option of taking a test if I needed one, and I ran to our closet and threw a box of tests in my purse. Secretly.

Our trip to Seattle was awesome. We spent a little time in the city but also got to enjoy the natural beauty the PNW offers, we had a great time at our cousin’s wedding, we watched the solar eclipse. All good.

The third night of our trip, we planned to go to the free cocktail hour at our hotel. But…something was….off, with me. ‘It CAN’T be, but I guess I should check before cocktail hour…’ I thought. I grabbed a pregnancy test from my purse and slid it in my pocket so no one could see.

To my UTMOST SHOCK, it was positive INSTANTLY. Two dark pink lines stared back at me. My heart was pounding out of my chest. “Oh my gosh,” I whispered in the bathroom to myself. I shoved the test into my jacket pocket. I had decided right then I wasn’t going to tell anyone.

I went to cocktail hour and asked for chocolate milk, saying I was feeling dehydrated from our hike earlier that day. After cocktail hour I ran upstairs and quickly took another pregnancy test. I underestimated how much I didn’t have to pee. Barely any pee available. Oh no, did I just waste a test?! But again- two very dark pink lines.

A baby! Oh my goodness. I couldn’t believe it. And here I was, out of town without my smoke bomb. LOL. Matt had no idea I had even taken a pregnancy test, and had stopped asking about pregnancy for the same reason I had stopped wanting to take tests. We were sad.

But THIS. This was my chance to surprise him and capture his excitement on camera while learning our entire future was changed forever! For TWO WHOLE DAYS I kept the secret that I was pregnant. I wanted to wait for the surprise until we were alone so I could try to make it special for him, and we were traveling with his mama. Sunday night and Monday night were torture. I laid in bed all night eyes wide and heartbeat rapid. I DID NOT SLEEP. ONCE. Surely that couldn’t be good for the baby.

Tuesday was finally time to head to Hawaii. At the airport, we said goodbye to Matt’s mom before security. Inwardly I was relieved- I had planned to refuse the security screening and opt for a pat-down (apparently they say the x-ray is safe for the baby- they’re not doctors. HOW DO THEY KNOW?!). I was so glad I only had to avoid Matt seeing me skip the security check.

When we got to the front of the security line I had to act fast to get away from Matt. I looked at him and weirdly shouted, “Race ya,” as I ran to a different line. When I got to said line I found the nearest security officer. “Excuse me, sir? I’m pregnant but I don’t want my husband to know. The guy right there.” The security officer looked at me with the words, “YOU HO,” written across his face. Suddenly I was crying. The first person in the world to know I was pregnant was Tom from the airport (and actually I don’t know if that was his name but he LOOKED like a Tom) and he thought I cheated on my husband and was pregnant with a bastard child. I suppose I could have explained further but I was overcome with emotion. LISTEN TOM, I JUST DON’T WANT MY HUSBAND TO FIND OUT ABOUT ONE OF THE MOST PRECIOUS GIFTS WE COULD EVER RECEIVE IN A HECTIC AIRPORT SECURITY LINE MMMK? Trying to make it special over here! TOM IS YELLING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS, “I NEED A FEMALE ASSIST!” Clearly he’s not on my side with this whole discrepancy thing. A ho fighting man. I guess we shouldn’t jump to conclusions though SHOULD WE TOM? You’re the first person to know about this little miracle, after all. And you made a pregnant woman cry. But maybe the tears were actually because for the first time I had spoken it aloud. I am having a baby.

Matt came over during my pat down and I explained I had been chosen at random for a screening (I had my female officer in on it). Matt was visibly annoyed, “You’re wearing leggings and a t-shirt, what could you possibly be hiding in there?” I shrugged, “It’s OK babe.”

My secret rode with me alllllllll the way to Hawaii. When we got to Honolulu, we drove to our hotel, finallllllly ate lunch, took a nap, and got ready for a luau that night. Yes, a whole day went by. AGAIN. I was DYING to tell, but I wanted to wait for the right timing!

I told Matt before we left for the luau I wanted to get pictures on the beach.

When we finally got to the beach [two nights, 2,665 miles, a rental car, nap, and room service later], I set up the camera on the tripod and changed the settings to take 10 rapid photos on the self-timer.

I asked him to get in the frame so I could aim.

And as the timer was counting down, I ran to him, and said,

“Guess what? I’m pregnant!”