So, Was it the Ice?

If you have no idea what I’m talking about and you want to know what IS THIS ICE I keep hearing about?! Check out my last post featured on the Messy Heart Blog here.  Also, if you’re wondering if I told my mother-in-law about the ice before she read my blog, I didn’t. She read it along with the rest of the world. Not my finest moment. (But honestly, how do you START that conversation)? Every year at Christmastime, my mother-in-law roasts each member of our family on their year’s worth of bad decisions and embarrassing moments to the tune of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.’ In your roast is a clue about where a present is hidden for you. I’ve got some good crap coming to me this year, and I bet it’s hidden in the freezer.

We’ve gotten the “Was it the ice?” question several times since announcing our pregnancy. Before I explain, let me back up and give you the full story. Here are all of the other things in my life that were going wrong this summer, or, so I thought…

In May, Matt and I put an offer in on a house for the first time ever! It was in our DREAM neighborhood (which I am NOT going to tell you about, because I think if Buzzfeed were to ever find out about it they would release a viral video about it, and all of the people in the world would flock there, and no one poor (me) could ever live there). After some negotiating, the offer on the house was accepted and we went into escrow. It felt so surreal. Us? Own a HOUSE?! But when it came time for the inspection, the house failed. Badly. It was INFESTED with rats. The actual words of our pest inspector. Infested. When he opened the attic a sea of rat feces came raining down. He wouldn’t let me take his word for it either. He wanted to show me. This is supposedly not that expensive to take care of, but it’s gross. There was a vacuum system throughout the walls of the home. My mom said, “Oh, the rats probably use the tubes as their playground!” Cool, mom. Also, since all of the second-floor ceilings were vaulted, the inspector said there was never a guarantee that the rats could be removed from the far side of the house, because there was no crawl-space for a person to get over there. Plus, there was the problem of what the rats left behind. Lots of disease-worthy bacteria. Omg. HELL NAW. The second floor bathroom had an active leak underneath the floor of the shower, which the owner had not disclosed in the report on their home. It had obviously been patched previously– and not well. It was still leaking. The termite bond was expired, the back deck (which covered the entire yard) had a gigantic hole underneath it that the deck could fall into at any moment (it was rotten). And that’s not all. It was EASILY $50K of repairs- without even doing an inch of the updating necessary for turning it into the Joanna Gaines’ styled home I had already drawn out in my head. Grateful for the thorough inspection, but a little sad, we withdrew our offer.

Switching gears- I LOVE ADELE. She got me through a really bad break-up in college. Plus, even though she’s older than me, by the time she releases her albums they always come out at the age I am. 21. 25. Mm mm mm mm mm. I think she’s fabulous and I was DEVASTATED when the tickets sold out to her U.S. tour before I could snatch any. I would have traveled anywhere to see a show! So you can imagine my sheer giddiness when Matt said I could buy tickets to her Farewell Tour in London. I woke up at 4:30 am (the tickets went on sale at 10 am London time), I sat with my laptop, and held my breath. Since I am a member of her online club (COOL STATUS) I was admitted to the pre-sale. I virtually waited in line. And then, there it was. In bed in the dark at 5 am, I bought my tickets for July 4th weekend TO SEE ADELE IN LONDON. Well, when July 4th weekend arrived, I was very sad that Matt did not have Monday July 3rd off of school, and he would not be able to travel with me. My mom readily volunteered, always up for a jaunt across the pond. The month before the show, the horrid, senseless act of terrorism happened at the Ariana Grande London show. Though we were shaken, we made the decision to proceed with our plans to go to Adele. The night before our flight left for London, I saw a news report that Adele had injured her vocal cords and had decided to cancel her final two shows. We wouldn’t be seeing Adele after all.

Then there was this problem of not being able to get pregnant. Not only that, while I wasn’t getting pregnant, sixteen of my friends were. SIXTEEN. I actually wrote down their names so I could count them. What about me, God? It seemed like everywhere around me this summer I was experiencing hopefuls, only to see a closing door. It wasn’t turning out to be the summer I had planned. Was I going to be someone that couldn’t carry a baby (and doesn’t own a house and will never see Adele since she’s vowed never to do another show)?

When I was asked to write a post for the Messy Heart Blog, I knew that I needed to share my concerns about having a baby, but it’s such a tender, personal thing to share with **EVERYONE** you know, or have ever met, and all of the people that are friends with your parents, and my TEN grandparents. But sharing a vulnerable place in me ended up being a tremendous gift to my heart. I was absolutely overwhelmed with the feedback I got of support, love, and most importantly, prayer. I literally FELT the prayer. I don’t know how to explain the feeling but I physically felt lifted up by prayer. My mom kept calling me to tell me about her friends that were praying. Dozens of people reached out to me publically and privately. I became so grateful for the chance I had to share my story and so moved by the community that was backing me.

Many friends also reached out with helpful tips such as taking matcha powder, taking plexus, doing yoga, and getting a massage. I had every intention of doing all of those things. Absolutely every intention. But it turned out I never even had the time to try.

What had felt like closing doors this summer was actually God’s protection for my baby.

My post on Messy Heart was shared on July 14th. A few days later on July 19th, I posted, “If everyone that said they’ll pray really prays for me, I’m probably pregnant already.”

And I was. According to how the baby is measuring, when I posted that comment, I was two days pregnant.

So it wasn’t the ice, which we had tried several months before. It wasn’t matcha powder, or plexus, or yoga, or a massage like my friends had suggested. (I never even got to try any of them). It wasn’t even the acupuncture, which I had stopped after putting in the offer on the house (for financial reasons). Even though these are all good things, I’m glad I wasn’t doing them, because that would take away what our pregnancy was actually the result of.

Our pregnancy is a miracle from God, and a yes to our (and your) prayers.

Why did I bother sharing with you about the house falling through, and the concert I didn’t go to? As far as the house, it would have been extremely difficult on us financially to buy while Matt is in school, especially because I had originally planned to pick up a part-time job so that we would be more comfortable financially. I laugh at the thought of working two jobs while pregnant. (MAD RESPECT TO ANYONE WHO DOES THAT. OR EVEN JUST WORKS TWO JOBS. SERIOUSLY). And the concert- if I had gone- maybe we wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. Traveling can impact a woman’s body physically and change their internal clock. And there’s the whole ‘it takes two to tango,’ necessity. But I have shared quite enough about that!

God knew our baby was on the way, and protected us greatly, and has grown us in the process.

After Walking in Waiting I had several women reach out to tell me about their struggles with starting their family, too. It was a privilege to hear these stories and I pray for these women often. If you’re feeling discouraged because you’re still waiting, make sure you share with someone you trust. I am more than willing to be a listening ear for you if you feel uncomfortable sharing with your immediate circle. There are also support groups for women who are trying to conceive, people from all walks of life. I joined one on Facebook called “Moms in the Making.” They offer lots of practical health information as well as a community of women walking a similar path. Most of all, I want you to know you are not alone. Through this experience I learned about so many women who were in the same shoes as me. But even greater, there is a God who loves you more than you can ask or imagine, no matter who you are or what you’re walking through. That is certainly something I would love to share more with you about if you want to know more. Please let me know.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Thank you, Lord, for this baby. Even if it’s not quite an ice, ice baby. Dun dun dun dun, du-du-dun-dun-DUN-DUN. (Are you guys singing too)?

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever, amen.”

Ephesians 3:20-21

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