What Pregnancy Has Been

how my water broke

I awoke in the middle of the night with a charlie horse in my leg. I tried to stand up as this helps stretch the cramp. When I put my hands down to push myself up the sheets all around me were wet. I stood up and realized my nightgown was also soaked through. It’s 3:15 am. “MATT!!!!!!!!!! WAKE UP!!!!!! I think my water broke!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Ok,” he said and went back to sleep.

I spent a few minutes walking around in confusion not knowing what to do and then we decided to go to the women’s triage. But we didn’t have our hospital bags packed. LOL. It had been on my to-do list; but the to-do list can just feel so long! So here we are packing a bag at 3:30a (don’t recommend). We drove to the hospital in mostly silence. Fear. Anticipation. Excitement.

When we got to the hospital the nurse hooked the baby up to a fetal monitor and we could see contractions. She explained the doctor would come in to do several tests to make sure my water had broken. A couple hours went by and we still hadn’t seen a doctor, who was in an emergency. By the time he came, the nurse had called him twice because my contractions were getting fairly consistent. Matt had a final exam at 7:30a and had been forced to leave me in the ER. When Matt got to his class he gave his phone to his teacher who he put on ’emergency duty.’ She said she could pause his electronic test if he needed to return to me right away (he was just a few buildings over). I had the instructions to let her know if I needed Matt to come back. But for me it was just a waiting game at that point. The doctor had run the tests and we were waiting for the results. He said he expected that I was in labor with the timing/magnitude of my contractions and my description of what had happened.

After a couple more hours of waiting, the nurse came back. “All tests negative! Your water is not broken!”

“BUT!!!!!” What the heck?

I have been pretty patient. I haven’t complained much. But the fact that I feel contractions and SEE them on a monitor, and the doctor suspected, and my bed was wet…I was CONVINCED I was having a baby. RIGHT NOW. I became so, so, so, so sad.

And then it hit me. The sheets were wet.

SO I’M A 27 YEAR OLD BED-WETTER. The doctor smiled. “It happens a lot.”

#THINGSTHEYNEVERTELLYOU

so now my water is still in there and im still pregnant and writing to you about that

A friend of mine has traditionally written about her pregnancies to document the memories for herself in the years to come. I love that idea because I know even in as little as a year from now the details will be foggy. So I thought I would write about what pregnancy has been like for me!

how we knew

In August 2017 I had a few symptoms of pregnancy that prompted me to take a test while on a trip in Seattle. The test confirmed I was carrying around a bit more than a suitcase! My main symptom was soreness in my chest, but I also for the first time was having some serious acid reflux (yes- even at the very beginning. What is my baby gonna be Esau?!)!

Two days after I found out I was pregnant, we flew to Hawaii where I shared the news with my husband, Matt. If you want to read more about how I told him you can check out the post here.

Once in Hawaii, I started to feel pretty nauseous, but I never experienced sickness. (I did nap a lot, hehe).  But even to this day just looking at the photos from Hawaii or really even talking about it makes me nauseous!

It was definitely a gift from God that I found out about the pregnancy while on this trip, because I mentally made it our baby moon, knowing Matt wouldn’t have off of school anymore before the baby would arrive. It feels like a special way God thought of me knowing that a last vacation before having a baby would be important to me. (I think if I had found out post-vacation it wouldn’t have counted to me. Ha).

The day we flew home was the first time I became sick and the morning all day/night sickness lasted until week 16. For about 10 weeks, every single day, at 11am I was the FIRST in line when lunch was served only to order french fries. If it was the weekend and I wasn’t at work, I drove to McDonald’s. Every. Single. Day. (OK, so Matt would like me to tell you HE went to McDonald’s). That’s at a minimum 70 servings of french fries. #organicbaby (Surprisingly) during the first 16 weeks I was having trouble gaining any weight and lost 4 pounds. But then when week 16 came, I started to feel amazing!

what I’m learning

This baby has already taught me some really incredible lessons as I’m sure they will keep on teaching me lessons for the rest of my life! I hope I can apply these things I’ve learned so far for refinement as a person, wife, and as a mom:

For one, this pregnancy has reminded me of what Scripture says is the power of the words we speak.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” Proverbs 18:21

There have been a handful of times throughout this experience that I’ve cried over the words someone else has spoken about my pregnant body. I truly think these people never meant to harm me (with perhaps an exception or two). But for the most part I think people just don’t know what to say so the words, “You’re SO BIG,” just fall out. The Bible says our words have the power of life and death. Truly it is so important what we say to others because it can hurt them, change them, build them, or tear them. Just experiencing the comments have made me check myself. I know I’m guilty of unkind words.

SIDE NOTE: I’ve had a LOT of time to think it over and want to share some safe phrases we can say to expecting moms to help us all out:

“You’re glowing.” (Or, if you don’t mean that)…

“Congratulations!” (Or, if you don’t mean that)…

“How are you feeling?” (OR)…

Remember that time before she was pregnant you didn’t HAVE to comment on that same woman’s body and actually it was frowned upon especially to comment on the status of her weight? You still don’t have to comment just because she’s pregnant! Lol. If you think, ‘The baby is stealing her beauty,’ keep it to yourself and focus on the fact that a BABY is a miracle from God.

I try to experience feelings of empathy for others and spend time thinking about how others feel. Something this pregnancy has reminded me of though that I think I am guilty of not doing enough, is that to show empathy, it is important to be a listener. What a blessing it can be to someone to offer [engaged] silence instead of automatically offering my advice. I am suddenly so much more aware that each person’s experiences are different, and the advice we share might not always work for them.  And actually the advice I got mostly had to do with people telling me how not to be nauseous. “Have you tried…” YES. YES, I HAVE. Every time every single person’s suggestion just made me feel sick. Haha. I’ve heard that, ‘unsolicited advice,’ tends to get worse as your kids grow. But I hope writing this down helps me to remember a way to be a good friend. Be a good listener.

remembering

Each time I share about my pregnancy I feel a twinge of sadness as my heart whispers to remember the waiting ones. There are several people I have had on my prayer list these last nine months that I have been praying for whenever they come to mind. And there are lots of people that are waiting for something else– not just pregnancy. I can’t say that I know how our waiting journeys end. But I can say with certainty that God is there for us in the midst of our struggles even when we feel empty. HE can fill us!

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger or sword? No… in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:35; 37-39

I also know it can be hard for someone who is hurting to hear a Bible verse in response to their story because it might not actually make them feel better and it may just feel like you’re talking at them instead of sharing with each other. I don’t want to be insensitive or dismiss the fact that though God is with us, there is still very real pain. I would be honored to be a listening ear if you ever need one.

about my pregnancy

Those are the lessons I’ve been learning! Here are some of my pregnant stats…I won’t be sharing my current weight. Lol.

Love at first sight? Yes. It’s so interesting- it is not something I could have imagined. The first time I saw that ultrasound with that little baby that looked EXACTLY like a peanut, I knew that’s my baby.

Boy or girl? We’re not finding out the gender which has been SO FUN! People have asked if it’s driving us crazy but really it hasn’t. I am just so eager for the surprise! Matt and I both think it’s a boy, but we’ve never had a baby before. What do we know? And I think we both think it’s a boy and then in the next, ‘It’s probably a girl.’ Actually, everyone in our immediate family says boy except my dad- he’s expecting a girl! Because we don’t know the gender and we had to lock in a boy name and a girl name (we’re keeping the names secret), I’ve found myself imagining life with a little man and life with a little lady. I’m trying to stop myself from actually being SAD that I don’t get to have both right away! I’m hoping twins roll out of there? Is it too late for that?

How am I feeling? Physically, pretty good. As expected, the end of pregnancy gets pretty uncomfortable, but it’s not HORRIBLE. I am afraid. I want to be so many things as a mom. I want to be interesting and honest, give my baby the chance to become everything they can, but not assert all of my failures on what they should be. LOL. I want to dream for them but not instead of them. I want to protect them without building a life of fear around them. But also, I am so excited. I am so excited to figure out this mom thing. I know with a husband like Matt I will be in good hands.

Cravings? Not really. My idea of eating has been thinking of each meal followed with, ‘what doesn’t sound horrible?’

Most eaten food? After the french fry era, chocolate chip waffles. (Though I went through a spaghetti phase too, which is now the WORST).

Most disliked food? Apples, coffee (sad times), usually vegetables (sorry baby I am TRYING), and I frequently change my mind about the Mexican variety.

Swelling? Oh my goodness my FEEEEEEEET. The swelling started around week 36. If you put a pin in me I’d spout like a fountain.

Acid Reflux? Made me sick again at week 24. I had to start a prescription which has been helping!

what pregnancy has been

What pregnancy has been? In one word, humbling. Humbling God chose Matt and I to be this baby’s mom and dad. Humbling because I have learned SO MUCH MORE about my parents’ love for me through even just experiencing pregnancy. Humbling because when you’re pregnant, you need help all the time and you can’t do it all. Humbling because you don’t always look or feel your best. Humbling because you wet the bed and then spend a thousand bucks for someone to diagnose it. Humbling in many amazing ways.

And now we’re still waiting on you, little baby. We cannot wait to meet you (so come on out). It’s time. We love you more than you can know.

Love, Mommy